Awww. My baby is sick too. I thought he had today off, but he ended up having to work, and now he feels yucky, too. I want nothing more than to be able to take him some soup and just hold him and stroke his hair until he falls asleep...just lay with him and be sick together.
I can't wait until we have that. I honestly can't. Our own house, our own rules, our own life. Together. Falling asleep in eachother's arms and waking up to the rise and fall of his chest as my head rests on it. Taking showers together, washing eachother's hair, cooking dinner together. Cuddling on the couch and watching TV, and falling asleep right there if we want to. No one to tell me to get up and take him home. Because we'll already be home.
God, I want that.
Arghh. It's snowing again. So much for going to look at prom dresses tomorrow.
So instead of being with my Cliff, I'm seriously addicted to Collapse and listening to "Konstantine" on repeat. I think I'll go take a shower and then work on some stuff for gendesigns. I still need to make that Orlando Bloom custom for Liz as well. After sleeping away the afternoon, I'm wide awake. And I think I'll have to bear the pain and force down some food, otherwise the acid in my stomach is going to eat away at my intestines from the inside out.
Isn't that a pretty picture?
9:51 pm - 01.31.03
Ehh....I feel like total and utter crap. I'm dizzy, my neck aches, and all I want to do is sleep. I went to sleep as soon as I got home from school today and slept for about four hours. Shonda keeps telling me she hopes it's mono, because she's been looking for someone with mono for quite some time now. "All fat people should have mono. It's just the thing to have when you're fat!" She's got an odd way of reasoning.
I, on the other hand, hope like hell it's NOT mono. Because that would put me out of school for at least two weeks, and I'd never catch back up. But, don't they say mono is caused by stress and lack of sleep? If that's the case, I more than fit the bill for someone who would get it. I've been going non-stop lately, trying to get everything for college worked out (and finding out that I've done everything wrong, and starting all over). I need to find another job, and no one is hiring. They just don't seem interested.
The last two days have been a huge damper on my mood. Nothing seems to be going like I want it to. Not to mention, Cliff hasn't called at all today. We were supposed to do something. Blah.
And, I bit a chunk out of the side of my mouth. Don't ask me how...I think I was just chewing on it out of boredom or habit or something and chewed a bit too much. Well, I'm a real idiot. Because now it's infected. And it hurts so bad that I can't talk or smile or laugh or eat. I can't do anything. I haven't eaten anything in almost three days, and my stomach won't shut up. So, I've been loading my mouth full of Orabase to try and make it better, but all it manages to do is numb the area for a few minutes. If I move my mouth at all, it wears off instantly. Arghh.
I just really, REALLY feel shitty right now. I'm guessing all my friends are at the game tonight, because no one's home. And since I can't call Cliff's house, I have no idea what's going on with him. I'm home by myself, which I usually enjoy, but tonight it just seems annoyingly quiet. Not a soul around, except me.
Lately, for some odd reason, I've been thinking about Stephanie. I have not a clue why, really. I keep wondering if I took things too far. I don't regret what I said, but maybe how I said it. Because I think if we would have met at a different time, around different people, we could have been friends. I read her diary when she had it unlocked, and she sounds so much like me. If I hadn't known that it was her behind the words, I think I would have found a good friend in her. Maybe Cliff and Ryan are right, and Shonda and I are bad influences on eachother.
Well, I think I'm going to go have a party by myself on my couch. Because I have nothing better to do, and I'm SICK.
RAWRRR!!
7:00 pm - 01.31.03
Recent entries:
I'm not Allyson! - 07.09.03
- - 06.24.03
a new chapter - 06.23.03
the end of the non-existent beginning - 06.23.03
just when I thought it was over... - 06.22.03
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